rog Jumping Contest. Monday -- Monday is great, it's the Spam Sculpture Spectacular. And later next week we'll be having movie night. And we'll be showing the "Porky" films that evening.
Tim #2: Good movies.
Tim #1: Good movies. So, feel free to drop by any time, come meet the brothers
Richard: Um, thanks guys, but honestly I am not considering joining a fraternity.
Tim #1: Oh, well, you know, you don't have to pledge if you don't want to, just come by --
Richard: Really, guys, I don't think so.
Tims (Offended): Well, fine. So, you won't consider stopping by? Fine. Whatsa matter, don't like us or something? Don't think the Jello Bake-Off is fun? Guess you won't be needing this then. (Tim #2 grabs the flyer he gave to Richard. Exit Tims. Richard goes back to his letter.)
Richard (Reads): "Now, Richard. Remember to choose your friends carefully." I will, mom. "I have to go because Dad needs help up the stairs. I'll send a case of chilicheese treats every month so you won't be hungry. And don't forget to take your vitamins. College work takes a lot of energy." (Takes out his Flinstones vitamins) I think I'll take a Barney today.
(Enter Millis. Millis is big. Real big. Probably 6 1/2 feet tall, weighs twice as much as Richard. He seems lost, confused. He sees Richard and rumbles over. Millis grabs the cheeseburger and puts it on his empty tray. Then Millis takes Richard's entire lunch and exits. Richard, mouth full of cheeseburger, sits looking stunned. Enter Jimmy, everybody's friend. He sees what just happened to Richard.)
Jimmy (Sitting down): That was Millis Borg. He lost his meal tickets last week, so he has to steal people's lunches so he can eat. It means he likes you.
Richard: Oh.
Jimmy: By the way, my name's Jimmy. What's your name?
Richard: Richard.
Jimmy (A la Mr. Rogers): Hi, Richard. (Shakes his hand.) I'm a Communication major. What's your major?
Richard: Computer Science.
Jimmy: Awesome! Where do you live?
Richard: Kennedy 963.
Jimmy: Really? I'm in K-962! We're next door neighbors! Wow!
Richard (Sarcastically): Great.
Jimmy: Yeah! Well, see you around.
(Jimmy exits. We hear Richard's stomach growl. Enter President.)
President: Hi, my name is Dr. Robert M. Misqueue, President of the University. (Shakes Richard's hand.) Welcome to NCLU!
Richard: Go to Hell.
(Blackout.)
(Next scene is Richard's dorm room. A mailbox. Richard is sitting on his bed, writing a letter to his mom.)
Richard (Writing): Dear Mom,
I'm fine, how are you? I'm having an interesting time at college so far. I met a nice boy named Millis today. We shared lunch. I also met my next door neighbor. His name is Jimmy. He's very polite.
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