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荆轲刺秦王英语搞笑剧本
作者：佚名
来源：不详
更新日期：2012-5-14
浏览次数：
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The man wants to kill the king
旁白：It was war periods time, the war among different countries seemed endless. Every kings or ministers tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the killing tools for their political purposes. As time goes by, it was becoming a fashion to feed some good men at home……
This is a crazy world. In the crazy world, there are the crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by the crazy way.
第一幕：Conspire(密谋)
太子丹（上，叹气）：Ying Zheng,that bad guy,treats me even worse than before.Resorts to lots of persons in his hand,he never cares about me ---the most sensible prince under the sun.Recently,he has got much more cities from my hands.How can I live if these things happen again(急)。 Hey!! I must think out a good idea. I must make him know who I am.(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? (大臣阿三上)Indeed, tell me what shall we do now?
阿三：（毕恭毕敬）Just keep calm,please!Let me see!（盘坐在地。两手在头上画画如一休）（旁外音：当当当，砰！！）（阿三起）Ok,I get one,we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作杀状）Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qing is ours~~~ （淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状.
太子：Ha, ha~~~. Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent?
阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue .He is traveling in our country these days. I think we can’t lose the chance. We must employ him quickly.
太子：Well, deal with the things as soon as possible.
第二幕：tournament (比武)
西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式，手一张，一条纸带随风而下）
西 门 吹 雪
（Xi Men Chui Xue）
身高：190cm
Height: 190cm 最爱干的事情：聊qq
Favorite doing: chatting
战斗力：无限
War power: endless 最爱的颜色：黑色
Favorite color: black
武器：长剑
Weaponry: long sword 最爱喝的饮料：啤酒
Favorite drinks: beer
血型：O
Type of blood: O 最崇拜的人：小燕子，******
Favorite idol: Xiao Yanzi Mao Zedong
Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy. Stand out.
荆轲（抖嗦而上）站在一边，不敢出大气。
旁白：Competition begins.
荆轲（带剑冲向西门吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue?
西门吹雪：Just come on.
荆轲：（又冲，停在西门吹雪面前）Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the story?
西门吹雪：（不耐烦）what a boring man! How dare you ask me such a stupid question?
荆轲（环视四周见无一人，便跪在西门吹雪面前，大哭）My hero, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless. I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down. Please don’t kill me. Give me the life, please!
西门吹雪（大怒）I thought Jingke is a hero. But you beg for life. How can I forgive you? Give me your life. (举剑刺向荆轲，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语) Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice. (抬头) where is the toilet?
荆轲：T-o-i-l-e-t-?
西门吹雪：WC.
荆轲：W-C-?
西门吹雪：（急）茅厕！！Are you happy to hear such rude words?
荆轲：I know, I know. Turn left, left and left.
西门吹雪下。
太子丹与阿三上，看见荆轲，大吃一惊，太子丹给阿三一个眼色，阿三会意。走至荆轲前。
阿三: What’s your[1] [2] [3] 下一页
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