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武松打虎剧本Wu song fought the tiger
作者：佚名
来源：不详
更新日期：2012-5-14
浏览次数：
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第一幕：喝酒
武松：Hello! I am Wu Song. The most handsome, the most famous, the most clever man in Liang Shan. I am going home to kill my sister in law Pan jinlian! She poisoned my brother. I told my brother Pan jinlian was dangerous. But My brother still married her. (叹气，唉….跟音乐一起唱且跳舞)Dangerous, dangerous! The girl is dangerous.
武松(见到酒店一家)：A restaurant! Good. I am hungry. (进屋坐下)Waiter! Wine! Wine! The best wine!
小二：Hi, sir. Sit down please. Would you like XO, Er Guo Tou, Mao Tai, or Qing Dao beer?
武松：（晕晕乎乎地）How much is the XO?
小二：1880 ( 展示大瓶酒，醒目的标价)。
武松：Open…Open…..(喷嚏)（小二将酒瓶起开）
武松：（面怒，片刻无语）Open the window please！Not the wine. I want some er guo tou! It’s strong enough.
小二
[热门]新《水浒》 ：You….You…..(敢怒不敢言, 转身倒碗二锅头)，Ok. Here you are.
武松：Anything to eat?
小二：Would you like sandwiches, hamburgers, bread, or pizza?
武松：Ten pizzas, please.
小二: Here you are!
武松：(喝一口酒）Good wine, very good wine!
（小二上了两碗酒www.seo0793.com，武松喝了，却是不再倒了）
武松：I want more wine. Why not serve me?服务员！淘宝最有效的减肥药排行榜怎么不倒酒了？
小二：Sir, More pizzas OK, more wine no way! 客官，要比萨饼就给您，这酒就不添了。
武松：(生气) Why? I have money! (扔钱倒桌上)
掌柜：Look! (指着 “三碗不过冈”牌子)。This wine is very strong. One bowl, comfortable. Two bowls, can’t walk. Three bowls, drunk and fall!，(叫店小二示范) 喝一碗神清气爽，喝两碗保你浑身无力，喝三碗就立刻醉倒，最多喝保证你酒精中毒，命都没有了……
武松：（喝一口，挤笑）Who am i? Wu Song! Even 18 bowls is nothing for me. Give me wine!(咆哮，敲桌子) 不是我狂妄，这酒劲虽大，可我绝对是应付得了，就是喝上十八碗也只是漱口而已，倒酒www.jdlqq.com！
掌柜：But you must call this number first.(掏出手机，出示电话号码， 旁边注明棺材预订)， Then I will serve you more wine.
武松：（勉强同意，做打电话状）Hello!.......
小二：Here is your wine. But your last meal, I think.你的酒来了！慢慢喝，估计是你最后一顿了。
（武松冷哼一声。一次次举起大碗，眨眼间十八碗酒就下了肚吃完了，拎着他的棍子就走）
小二：Where are you going, sir？
武松：Jing yang gang去景阳冈后面的阳谷县。
服务员：Oh, my god. You want to die? There is a tiger there. It has eaten 30 People. You’d better not go today. It’s dark. 客官万万去不得！如今景阳冈上有只华南虎，天一黑就出来害人，已经害了三十几个人，官府限期叫猎户去捉，冈下都有广告，除了中午，都不能过冈，现在已经快天黑了，你不要命就去吧。我看你还是在我这里住一晚最好。
武松：(醉醺醺地) A tiger? I’ll kill it! Look ! I am so strong. I am good at Kong Fu!(秀肌肉，舞弄棍子，踢腿。)老虎？我要杀了它！ 看我有多壮！我的功夫多棒！
掌柜：You are drunk. Don’t go.看你这样子就知道你喝多了，怎么说起胡话了？可万万去不得！
武松：(生气) Go away! (摇摇晃晃走了) 切，减肥药哪种好最讨厌人家小看我了，一边呆着去。
掌柜：（摇头叹气）e mi tuo fo! God bless you! A men! （阿弥陀佛，上帝保佑，阿门）
第二幕：打虎
（武松提着短棍，大着步，径向景阳冈走去摇摇晃晃地走了一段路，有一只老虎跳出来）
武松：Oh！My god! It’s a real mother tiger! ( 跪地求饶) Miss tiger. let me go! My mother is 80 years old. My son is only 2 years old. Please. Please! 为什么要让我碰见这只老虎？我才活了几年啊！我不想死！我上有八十岁的老母，下有未出世的儿女，我死了我们全家怎么活呀！
老虎：(大笑) I like pork. I like beef. I like chicken. But my favourite is human meat. Ha, ha….哈哈，我喜欢猪肉，牛肉，鸡肉。但我的最爱是人肉！哈哈哈。。。（准备扑过去）
武松：（做暂停手势）Stop! Let me have a look. Are you a real tiger? 等等， 你是真老虎吗？
老虎：Of cour[1] [2] 下一页
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